Darkness Without the Light
by amber2
Summary: Relena has someone unexpected in her life,whether she wants them or not. 1XR So if these two together bother you then you might want to pass on this story.
1. Default Chapter Title

Standard warning Gundam belongs to Gundam and any scene or plot similarity to another person's story, movie or anime is purely coincidental. With this one I feel a long nauseating preface is needed. I have taken a few liberties with this one concerning the main characters personalities. And I'm trying something different a little darker. If you disagree about 1xR character representation here then accept my apologies and chalk it up to the assumption that the characters have grown and changed as all beings with the passages of time.If 1xR repulses you then you will want to avoid this story. * here indicate the characters private thoughts. And as always I hope there is some enjoyment from this story.  
*********************************************************************************  
  
  
Darkness Without the Light  
By: Amber  
  
  
Silently he moved down the hall until he encountered the security camera stopping in front of the camera he stared directly into the lens. The cold smile turned into a full-blown laugh that echoed eerily through the hallway. Turning away he moved on until he stood before the door of the Vice Foreign Minister. Pushing the door open he moved through the outer office and entered her private domain. His hands trembled as he placed the vase on the corner of her desk. Fingers moist with perspiration lightly trailed across the surface before moving around to her chair.   
  
Running his hands over the arms and back of the chair he released a shaky breath that sounded unnaturally loud in the stillness of the room. Lowering himself into the chair he leaned his head back, his eyes slid closed, rubbing his hands up and down his legs a keening whimper escaped from tightly held lips as he detected the faintest traces of her perfume lingering within the leather. His eyes snapped open at the sound. His hands tightened on his thighs until the knuckles showed white fighting the urge to relieve the source of the ache that thinking about her brought. He sat there panting trying to control the riot of emotions swirling in his mind, drawing a steadying breath he pushed himself up and stiffly headed for the door. He stopped in the entrance; turning back he smiled a humorless smile.   
  
"Soon my dove, soon it will be just you and me."  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Relena briskly entered her office looking over her schedule for the up coming week circling the corner of her desk she stopped in the middle of reaching for the intercom. There sat an enormous vase of roses, their sweet fragrance seemed to permeate her office. A smile illuminated her face making her normally solemn demeanor brighten. Relena tossed the papers down and leaned in cupping her hands around the buds of the roses. She closed her eyes delighted with their intoxicating scent. A soft smile lingered as she curiously searched through the flowers for a note. She released a breathy laugh charmed by the unexpected gift.   
  
Relena pushed her intercom "Mrs. Carnes could you come in here for a moment please." The knock sounded a moment later. Relena absent-mindedly called out her permission to enter. "Ms. Peacecraft?"   
  
Relena looked up and smiled. "Mrs. Carnes I can't seem to find a note for these flowers. " Who sent them?" Mrs. Carnes blinked in confusion. "I'm sorry miss I don't know."   
  
"Well who delivered them then Relena asked in an amused tone?" A brief look of consternation flickered across her secretary's face. "I'm sorry, I saw no one deliver them either." She studied the flowers a moment longer, then shrugged. "Ms. Peacecraft should I call security?"   
  
Heero? Relena distracted looked up. " Hmmm O no I don't think." The only danger I see here is perhaps some thorns." She smiled politely, "that will be all thank you."   
  
She watched the door shut before her eyes settled once more on the mysterious flowers. She smiled wistfully just for a moment she allowed herself to dream it was Heero. She shook her head at her folly no that required more thought about her than Heero could be bothered with.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Every week they arrived. A dozen roses always the same no one saw them delivered and there was never a note. At first, Relena was charmed but it had been months now. No one seemed to want to take the credit for them. She had discreetly made inquiries but turned up nothing. Who ever it was had certainly covered their tracks either way she was starting to swim in flowers. Now there was the added mystery of the chocolates, it seemed the anonymous benefactor had now taken to including her favorite chocolates as well. She was truly mystified. To her knowledge only a few knew that information and they were claiming it wasn't them.   
  
A month ago she started handing them out to the ladies at the office. Last week Hilde had taken them home. This week she smiled wryly, I'll give them to Lucrezia. Milliardo never said but Relena sensed he was concerned. However since nothing had come of it except a weekly gift he hadn't pressed the issue. She shrugged checking the time she mentally brushed aside the questions there was no time now. Relena grabbed the current offering and her brief case, and headed home to prepare for the Summer Solstice Ball.   
  
Zechs stood at the window watching his sister make her way across the courtyard her guards following at a discreet distance. A small frown creased his brow he would have felt allot better if they had been closer but he knew Relena gave them hell for smothering her as she put it. The knock at the door pulled him from his grim thoughts. "Enter."   
  
The young man moved across the room on silent feet. "Thank you for coming so promptly." I need your help." I know your feelings about protecting Relena." But some things have happened." I would like you to expand the parameters of your duties least until this situation is resolved satisfactorily."  
  
"You mean the flowers." Heero joined him in watching Relena get into her limo. A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth it didn't surprise him Heero had his finger on the pulse of everything going on around here.   
  
"The flowers and the chocolates," he conceded. Zechs turned from the window and took a seat leaning back his fingers steepled together. "No one has seen anything. We attempted to obtain surveillance it showed nothing." Further analysis determined alteration of the feed." Who ever it was rigged a digitally enhanced loop the small computer fed the same interval continuously." Routine maintenance of all things found it. Anyone could have gotten in. How he or she continues to eludes us is a mystery I want solved."   
  
Heero turned crossing his arms he leaned his shoulder against the window. "How long?"   
  
Zechs shrugged, "unknown however the head of surveillance has now been replaced with a new captain." Heero smirked. "Computer?"   
  
Zechs shifted restlessly his hands lowering to the arms of his chair before he continued. "The so called computer experts came up with nothing."   
  
"Hm so who ever it is knows our system, Relena's schedule and her personal preferences well." It sounds to me like your doing everything you can. What do you think I can do Zechs?"  
  
Zechs stared intently at his profile, "I'm not sure myself but something about this makes me uneasy and I've learned over the years to not ignore that feeling."   
  
Heero looked up, "and Relena?" Zechs turned his head toward the window. "She accepts it for what they are gifts from an admirer." I wouldn't be surprised if she wasn't hoping it's you."  
  
Heero shrugged, "she can think what she wants it's not me." Zechs laughed softly, " Heero eventually even she will get tired of waiting."   
  
"I am doing all I can for her. She doesn't need the added danger that being with me publicly would attract." I will continue to protect her the only way I know." Zechs sighed, " I understand." Their eyes met in silent communion.   
  
Heero had walked to the door and opened it to leave when Zechs voice stopped him. " However, it's not me that has to accept as you've noticed Relena doesn't take lead worth a damn." In fact you're the only one that seems to hold any sway with her at all." Heero glanced over his shoulder, his mouth lifted slightly at the corner before his face returned to its original enigmatic mask. "I will see what I can find out."  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Relena stood behind the columns softly humming along with the music. She wistfully watched the masked dancer's dip and sway effortlessly around the ballroom. A flute of champagne appeared in her line of vision. Her eyes widened as she swung around.  
  
"Quatre she smiled, how did you know it was me?" He blushed. "I saw Ms. Lucrezia earlier and she told me how you were dressed."   
  
She laughed delighted. " How did you find her?" He grinned, "that was easy no one has hair quite like your brother."   
  
He frowned. "Wait how did you recognize me? "  
  
She leaned over and affectionately tweaked his hair. "Because no one has hair quite the shade of yours either she whispered." Relena smiled fondly. "I am so glad you could make it." Trowa she lifted her eyebrow quizzically?"  
  
Quatre turned in the direction of the banquet table and gestured. "Eating," he grinned ruefully. They stood there in a companionable silence enjoying the music and for the first time all night Relena slowly relaxed.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
He stood against the wall sipping champagne; the lights from the chandelier making him seem like a shade. No one passing him would have given him a second glance a nondescript man leaning against the wall neither wanting or desiring attention. Grey eyes the color of storm tossed seas stared across the room at the object of his fevered desire. My Dove his eyes went unfocused as he slipped into a twisted fantasy about the two of them finally meeting. Suddenly his entire body stiffened eyes narrowing his mouth-tightened cruelly how dare he a growl escaped his tightly pinched lips. Coldly calculating he negligently gestured at a waiter slipping the note on the platter he dismissed him. Then leaning back against the wall he smirked strangely aroused watching all the players come together they would never know how close to destruction they were.  
  
The servant approached carrying a silver plate, she sighed watching him make his way through the crowd to her she knew it was to good too last. Stopping in front of Relena he bowed. She smiled apologetically at Quatre before taking the note.  
  
My dove I gave you my heart. Is it not enough? Why?   
Why have you betrayed me so? You will not act like a harlot again.  
I will save you; you are not to blame I will deal with these defilers.  
Then nothing will keep us apart.  
  
Relena's smile died lifting her eyes they slowly moved around the room trying to pick up anything unusual Quatre touched her arm gently. "Relena?" She started in surprise, dismissing the servant she turned to Quatre.   
  
"Relena what's wrong," he stared at the note then her concerned? Relena met Quatre's worried look and grimaced. "Politicians," she rolled her eyes. "They can't forget for one evening," she said slipping the note in the sash of her gown.   
  
She took a sip of her wine distantly she noticed her hand was trembling. "On no she forced a smile I see Duo." She glanced teasingly at Quatre, "have you eaten?" " No he smiled. "I told Trowa to go ahead. I wanted to say hello first."  
  
"I'm starved do me a favor stay here and guard our spot I'll grab us something to eat before Duo cleans the table off and if I see Trowa I'll bring him along as well." "No Relena let me go." She reached over and squeezed his hand. "I'll be right back then we'll have our own party."   
  
She wound her way through the crowd politely smiling at those she passed. Her eyes constantly moving looking for Trowa until she spotted him. A clown mask her eyes closed in relief, she should have known thank god their predictable. She walked up beside him laying her hand on his arm she smiled in his direction   
  
"Trowa I am so glad I found you." Please wont you join us Quatre and I have staked claim on the perfect spot to watch tonight's festivities without being harassed." Her eyes slid around never resting going from person to person. Suddenly a hand gently captured her chin lifting it to meet his gaze. "Relena?"   
  
Smiling weakly her eyes flicked to his then darted from person to person making sure no one was within range to hear. "Trowa I want you to keep a close eye on Quatre, you two be extra careful for a while please." Her eye silently tried to convey the importance of her words but she felt hindered by her mask. "Trowa!" Her voice low and urgent she grabbed his arm and tightened. "Can you do that? Be a bit more cautious for a few days?"   
  
Then just as suddenly she resumed her role smiling and nodding as if he said something amusing. Trowa's gaze lingered on hers before breaking contact to look over the crowd. Relena took a plate and started loading it with enough hors d'oeuvres for three people. Then picking up her glass she looked at him.   
  
"Ready?" He studied her a moment longer then as if he had come to a decision nodded. They started making their way back through the crowd with his hand placed respectfully at the small of her back guiding her safely through the throng of guests. When they reached the column where she and Quatre were earlier, he was gone.  
  
  
  
TBC  
  



	2. Default Chapter Title

Standard warning Gundam belongs to Gundam and any scene or plot similarity to another person's story, movie or anime is purely coincidental.This a 1xR story if that thought makes you uncomfortable please stop now. Also within the context of this story 3X4 is alluded to if that thought makes you uncomfortable please stop now. And as always I hope you find something within enjoyable.   
  
  
  
Darkness Without the Light  
By: Amber  
  
  
Relena slowed her steps as she reached the column. Her eyes darted around frantically seeking that familiar face. She dropped her political mask as panic spread she slowly turned in a circle looking for that familiar head of gold among hundreds. It was impossible.  
  
"Trowa do you see him anywhere?" She worried her lip nervously, "that's not like him he knew I would be right back with you." "Relena he said soothingly, he's coming this way." Her shoulders slumped slightly before dredging up weak smile.   
  
Trowa touched her shoulder drawing her attention. "Relena what is this all about?" She bit her lip. "Quatre had just gotten here when....."   
  
"Ahh.." Quatre huffed holding up his new drink."I didn't think I was ever going to make it back." "Trowa." His smiled widened. "She found you that's great."  
  
Relena smiled but it didn't quite reach her eyes she offered the plate. "I brought enough even for Duo. I hope you're hungry." Quatre smiled. "Starving."   
  
He glanced curiously at Trowa's plate. "Is it good?" Quatre's smile faded as he noticed Trowa's preoccupation. His gaze moved back and forth between them. "Trowa?" He turned to Relena. "Has something happened Relena?"  
  
She looked down biting her lip. "Was it the note, Quatre asked intuitively?" Trowa pressed. "Relena?" She took a deep breath casually; "it could be nothing it's just that for a moment I felt.." She shook her head. "No this is crazy I need a vacation," she sighed exasperated.   
  
Trowa stared piercingly at her. "There is nothing wrong with going with your feelings." Relena hesitated, "do you really believe that?" He looked down considering. "Someone I respect enormously gave me that advice. I've never regretted taking it." Her lips curved, "can I ask who?" He lifted his head his eye meeting hers. "Heero Yuy." Relena smiled sadly. "I don't think I've seen that side of Heero. I envy you that."   
  
"Relena, what has upset you so Quatre said softly?" Her eyes closed, vacillating back and forth. "You know you can trust us don't you?" Her eyes opened and a smile lit her face. "I know I've always known. I can't tell you how much you all have come to mean to me."   
  
She looked meaningfully at Quatre then Trowa, then slipped the note out from her sash and passed it to Quatre. "I confess I don't know what to make of it." Quatre looked at her intensely before skimming the note. He stared at her with a shocked expression. "But why he stammered I don't understand."   
  
"Quatre.." He held out his hand,"let me see he said calmly." Relena stared blindly ahead.   
  
"Several months ago I started receiving flowers, every week a dozen roses arrived. Last month chocolates started accompanying them. No note no one saw them delivered. Nothing."  
  
She met their troubled gaze. "It didn't concern me oddly enough its rare that Relena Peacecraft is seen as a woman. And what woman doesn't adore candy and flowers. So I accepted," she shrugged gracefully. She shook her head to clear it of the dizzying confusion. "I don't know what this means I'll give it to the head of security tomorrow and I suppose they will investigate."   
  
Trowa handed the note back to her and she slipped it back into her sash. "Is that why you asked me to watch out for Quatre?" Quatre gasped. "Relena?"  
  
She stared at him apologetically. "I didn't want to create difficulties that might not be there. But I want you to be cautious. It maybe nothing but I've only spoken to a few people tonight in passing. I haven't danced with anyone. I arrived with Milliardo and Lucrezia. The only person I've talked to at any length was you Quatre. Shortly after that this note arrives. I wasn't going to say anything," she shrugged helplessly. "I know you are more than able to take care of yourself, yourselves" she amended. "But the more I thought about it the more it bothered me."   
  
She looked at them both stubbornly resigned. "I would rather you think me hysterical than say nothing and something awful happen. Obviously I'm being watched but who ever it is either doesn't know us well enough to know our personal lives in depth or they don't care and are quite disturbed."   
  
She started laughing her tone caused the hair on the back of their necks to prickle. Quatre worried frowned he saw a similar concern in Trowa's gaze. Trowa stepped closer shielding her from prying eyes offering her the silent support of friendship.Gently he clasped her shoulder. "Relena..." Her laughter stopped as abruptly as it had begun,she lifted her head tears making them more luminous than usual. Her eyes held such pain and weariness. "I have no life outside political function's, politicians and government official's now it seems someone is even trying to rob me of those few real people left in my life that I have managed to keep."   
  
"Excuse me. Hey ojousan, I'm beginning to think your avoiding me."   
  
Her eyes widened inhaling she met the silent question in Trowa's eyes. Relena nodded shakily as she lifted a trembling hand to surreptitiously check her appearance. Trowa stepped aside while Relena's demeanor became one of polite interest but it disappeared at the sight a braided pirate. She burst out laughing, a pirate how appropriate. "Duo.."  
  
He grinned wiggling his eyebrows. "Let me take you away from these party animals before you dose off in boredom." He bowed. "May I have this dance milady?"   
  
Her smiled faltered, "O Duo I don't think so.." Quatre interrupted. "That's a wonderful idea the music is too beautiful to waste you must dance once at least." "But Quatre..."  
  
"Relena it will be all right Trowa said softly even Duo can waltz." They stared at one another until she finally nodded, Duo remained strangely silent through it all and for that she was grateful.   
  
She smiled weakly. "OK just don't step on my feet their already killing me." He winked, "trust me I'm a regular Teddy Astaire." Relena glanced over her shoulder at Quatre and Trowa smothering a giggle. "I thought that was Fred Astaire."   
  
"O yea him to.." Duo said as he offered her his arm and led her out onto the floor.   
  
Quatre bit his lip. "Trowa?" "Hm?" He smiled gently,"don't worry Heero wont let anything happen to her. In the mean time we will be on guard in case her fears are justified."   
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
A roguish pirate strode through the swells of people grinning impishly here and there before pausing in front of a masked soldier. Duo turned crossing his arms he leaned against the wall. His jovial nature suddenly turned serious. He glanced at his companion from the corner of his eye. "Well your right as usual something happened there was enough tension to cut through gundanium. What I don't get is why you didn't dance with her?"   
  
"Did you get it?" Duo released a frustrated sigh, "are you kidding me? Of course I did."   
  
He discreetly passed the folded note. Heero took his gaze off Relena long enough to quickly read it before tucking it away. "Well?" Duo said impatiently.   
  
"Hnn?" Duo rolled his eyes. "What did it say?" Heero straightened off the wall and started walking away. "Hey, Heero where you going?"   
  
"To dance," he tossed back over his shoulder.  



	3. Default Chapter Title

Standard warning Gundam belongs to Gundam and any scene or plot similarity to another person's story, movie or anime is purely coincidental. I have taken a few liberties with this one concerning the main characters personalities. If you disagree about character representation here then accept my apologies and chalk it up to the assumption that the characters have grown and changed as all beings with the passages of time.   
  
  
  
Darkness Without the Light  
By: Amber  
  
  
  
Duo had been escorting her back to Quatre and Trowa when she got way layed. Duo looked at her quizzically waiting for her decision, when she finally nodded imperceptibly. He bowed giving her wink before withdrawing. She smiled politely at the 97th Duke of Corpis as he led her out on the dance floor. Relena sighed trying to fight down the feeling of screaming as the Duke or Orville as he asked her to call him waxed poetic about the lineage of his hounds and how complicated the breeding process was.   
  
For the millionth time she wondered when the number was going to end so she could make a polite get away. Fortunately paying close attention wasn't necessary with Corpis all one needed was to nod occasionally or make some sort of sound and he was off and running. Relena smiled slightly at least Duo's babbling was entertaining.More and more these setting were stretching her meager patience to the limit tuning back in she nodded sympathetically before drifting off into her thoughts again.  
  
At first she just noticed him because of the uniform it reminded her of Cinq's before it was destroyed by Romafeller. It was just a thought in passing as she glanced up at the Duke's bulbous nose and vaguely smiled before letting her gaze drift over the room once more. Her gaze went back to the man though as he gracefully wound his way through the waltzing couples there was something about the way he moved that triggered a memory. Relena frowned slightly as she watched him draw near her eyes slowly making their way to his face when he stopped in front of them. She held her breath thoughts whirling as she studied his face intently waiting for his eyes to turn and meet hers and when she did the force of his gaze left her breathless in anticipation. In the end she didn't remember the Duke leaving or Heero asking her to dance. His eyes met hers and held trance like she moved into his arms as she always longed to.   
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Relena watched the early morning mist hovering lightly over the courtyard below. Absently blowing on her tea as she reflected on last night's unexpected events. She had danced the rest of the night with Heero without a word being spoken between them. On her part at least it was fear. Fear that if she did the spell would be broken and she'd wake up finding it had all been a dream. Relena smiled ruefully he probably felt relief for once that she wasn't trying to climb inside his head. Still she sighed dreamily it was wonderful while it lasted.   
  
She giggled at just how little it took from Heero to make her a fifteen year old on hormonal overload once more. Her good mood dimmed somewhat at the memory of the missing note it kept niggling at her from the back of her mind. Relena sipped her tea unwillingly her eyes went to the latest gift her skin prickled just looking at the box it came in. She couldn't avoid this any longer she had almost convinced herself that last nights note was her simply over reacting. But no longer this had just taken a creepy turn. She leaned forward initiating the vidphone she listened to the beeps before her brother's image finally appeared.   
  
Relena smiled. "I missed you this morning everything ok?" His mouth quirked at the corners, his ice blue eyes temporarily twinkling. "That should be my line. I thought you had a budget meeting this morning?"  
  
He studied her intently waiting for her to come to the point. She inhaled softly gathering her thoughts. "Do you have some time for me? I need to talk to you."   
  
He nodded of course. "When?" She glanced at her watch. "How about right now?"   
  
"Fine I'll be.."   
  
"No that's all right the walk will do me good I'm on my way." She moved to disconnect "Relena?" She paused. "You will bring your guards along won't you?"   
  
She was silent a moment her eyes drifting to something off camera. When she spoke he had to lean forward to hear her. " Don't worry I wont forget my guards," she said quietly before the line was disconnected.  
  
Zechs looked at the rooms other occupant "Well?"   
  
Heero looked up from the floor. "Something else has happened I can hear it in her voice. Add the fact she's willing to bring her guards along confirms it".   
  
"Are you sure you want to go with this strategy Zechs probed."  
  
"We can't let him control this anymore I need him to make a mistake. He's already escalated and Quatre of all things was the trigger. There is something else Duo called this morning someone tried to run him over last night as he left the ball."  
  
Zechs frowned, "do we know for certain Relena is the connection? I saw Winner leave the ball last night he looked fine has anyone contacted him to see if he's all right? I mean this is Maxwell after all I can count at least five others off the top of my head myself and you included wanting to run him over at one time or another."   
  
Heero lips twitched amused inspite of the seriousness of the situation. "True but we wouldn't need a vehicle to do it. I used a secure method to contact Quatre so far he hasn't responded." Heero's expression shifted turning hard. "I'm betting on him knowing about me. If he is going after anyone that Relena shows attention to then we'll know soon enough he'll come after me next."   
  
"Is there anyone that doesn't know about you and Relena's weird relationship Zechs asked wryly? I don't like this if Relena gets the slightest inclination of what your doing it will make her Antarctica stunt look like a picnic."  
  
Heero frowned but continued on as if Zechs hadn't spoken. "She won't but we can't let him feel like he's in control, he would wait us out and then grab her when we're least expecting it."  
  
Zechs nodded, "how much do you want her to know?" Heero looked out the window, "for now I'm her guard."   
  
"And afterwards?" Heero met his stare blankly. "I return to my original duties."   
  
At his look Heero sighed impatiently. "She's your sister and you are the boss if you don't want me to go through with it say so."   
  
"I want my sister safe if this is the way that it has to be to accomplish that then so be it. It seems to be my destiny to dare those closest to me to hate me because of my actions."   
  
Heero mouth softened into what might have been a smile. "She won't hate you I don't think she's capable of hating anyone."   
  
Zechs nodded. "Maybe." Zechs stared pensively at the photograph of Relena, Lucrezia and himself. "This time we may be pushing her too far he murmured." Zechs pinned Heero with a probing look. "We could both loose her."   
  
Heero shrugged; "maybe in the long run it's better this way at least for her."   
  
"Is it, Zechs asked? Or is it easier for you? I am her brother I tried to destroy a world for the sake of peace. Am I not an equal danger to her? And what about the other Gundam pilots? She maintains relationships with them by your reasoning are they not as well a danger?"  
  
Zechs laughed sardonically. "I'm not perfect by your standards I stayed away as long as I could. But I found living with ghosts wasn't enough to keep me alive anymore. I needed their love, like I needed air to breathe."   
  
"I'll go into the side office while you tell her about the change in guard." Heero moved to the door and opened it,the skin across his knuckles stretched tightly from the strength of his grip. He offered Zechs a tight smile. "Perfect? I have tried for years to kill my feelings for Relena." He turned back forward, "I doubt even death would release me now." Then he closed the door with a quiet click.  
  
  
  
  
  
**Thank you all for your kind comments and suggestions**  
  



	4. Default Chapter Title

Darkness Without the Light  
By: Amber  
  
  
Relena strolled into her secretary's office feeling like a load had been lifted somehow just sharing the burden made it lighter less ominous. That was until she saw her secretary's face. Mrs. Carnes jumped up nervously smoothing her skirt down before she offered Relena her messages.  
  
"Ms. Peacecraft the message on top is the most urgent it was left earlier I. Well she stumbled over the words in her anxiety. You left instructions to not be disturbed so I .." Mrs. Carnes sighed. "I'm sorry." Relena felt a knot grow in her stomach as she accepted the messages with shaking hands.   
  
Relena looked up fear making her tone curt and her manner abrupt. "Make my apologies to the cabinet members and have someone to attend in my place. Take notes. I want their impressions on everything and I mean everything she said tossing the messages back on the desk. Get my car out front in two minutes and tell my guards if they have any desire to accompany me to be out front in one."  
  
Relena turned striding into her office to grab her briefcase Mrs. Carnes trailed behind punching in notes on a powerpad. "I also need a copy of the actual minutes from the budget meeting sent to me. O and please phone my brother and tell him I'm at St. Vicinie's on the Mount relay the content of the message to him."   
  
Mrs. Carnes nodded and headed for the vidphone. "There is also suppose to be a new guard assigned to me he's being sent over today." Relena shrugged into her jacket, "providing he has the correct credentials and verification explain the situation and leave him the option of familiarizing himself with my schedule or getting his butt over to the hospital she tossed over her shoulder."  
  
  
An hour later, Relena found the room she was looking for, pushing the door open she peeked around the edge. Trowa was standing by the window looking out when the sound of the door drew him from his thoughts. Relena glanced at Quatre's sleeping form and quickly put her finger to her lips. Soundlessly she stepped into the room letting the door close. She joined Trowa at the window biting her lip she stepped into a hug.  
  
She pulled back meeting his eyes. "What happened she murmured?" Trowa sighed. "He was poisoned, because of the poison used they believe it happened last night."  
  
Relena tightened her hand on his arm. "How?" "Most likely in his drink, both of you shared a plate of food and you're fine." He shrugged, "it was a simple really Quatre doesn't drink alcohol."   
  
Relena turned her gaze blindly toward the window. "I know what you're thinking stop." Her head turned to Quatre's pale figure. " Isn't it?"   
  
"No, Quatre said hoarsely. It isn't."   
  
Relena quickly made her way to the bed sitting her briefcase in the chair she perched gently on the edge of his bed. "O Quatre what can I say?" She lowered her head in shame. "Trowa is right this isn't your fault." She rubbed his hand lightly with her thumb back and forth. "Isn't it? But that isn't important now this isn't about me it's about getting you better." She looked at Trowa, "what does the doctor say?"   
  
"Well they flushed his system but they want to keep him for observation a few days." Quatre smiled sweetly, "see I will be fine."   
  
She smiled shakily. "O sure you are one tough cookie thank god."  
  
His face grew serious. " Relena be careful someone out there is really sick." She looked at Trowa. "If a doctor can be found is it safe enough for Quatre to travel?" He eyed her speculatively. "Why?"   
  
"I think perhaps for the time being it would be safer to go home or go visit your Magaunacs. Please until this person is found."   
  
Quatre protested but Relena ignored him begging Trowa with her eyes. He nodded. "All right providing there is an agreeable doctor."  
  
"You'll go along as well?" His mouth twitched. "Me as well I took time off before I left anyway."   
  
Relena smiled wryly. "Leave that to me between what little privilege being the Foreign Minister has Quatre's name will insure."  
  
"You did bring your guards didn't you?" Quatre whispered. But his eyes were already drooping as he struggled to keep them open long enough to hear her answer. She brushed back his bangs from his eyes and smiled tenderly. "I brought my guards."   
  
"Don't worry Milliardo decided to assign me another guard, And I have to go to L2 so that will get me off earth for a bit but I will keep in touch. Don't struggle so sleep let your body heal." Watching his lids flutter and finally close she leaned forward brushing her lips across his forehead.   
  
Relena gently pulled her hand free and stood picking up her brief case she moved over to Trowa. "I'll start the process then let you finalize it to your satisfaction. Just call me before you leave to say goodbye please. Who knows maybe I'll chuck it all and go with you. I was always secretly addicted to romance novels with Sheik's on Arabian horses sweeping down to claim the fair maiden."   
  
"Were you really?" Trowa looked secretly amused. Relena smiled sheepishly. "OK I confess I wanted the horse more. With my fathers work though my parents felt it was unrealistic for me to take on such a responsibility. And they were right in hindsight. I was a typical horse crazy teenager at that point if I had one I would have never wanted to leave Earth." Trowa smiled.   
  
She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "I have to go I sort of left everyone hanging today." Trowa frowned. "Relena no more ditching your guards!"   
  
She smiled ruefully. "I brought them along I promise." Her glance slid worriedly to Quatre before lifting to meet Trowa's. "Please be careful don't delay as soon as I make the arrangements get out of here. Squeezing his arm affectionately she headed for the door, opening it she looked back. "I did enjoy seeing you both again even if it was for just one night."  
  
* * * *  
  
Relena closed her eyes tiredly the end of a long miserable day. She wanted nothing more than to go home climb into the bathtub and relax. She sighed well there was one consolation she had found a doctor who for a week in the location of his choice and a significant bonus to compensate him for the expediency of the request had agreed to accompany Quatre and Trowa to their desired destination. Trowa had called earlier they would be leaving tomorrow morning for the desert she stood stretching trying to relieve tense muscles. She leaned forward pushing the intercom. " Mrs. Carnes please send for the car and tell security I'll be ready to leave in five."  
  
Relena stood and shrugged into her jacket, grabbing her briefcase she leaned over and clicked off her desk lamp. She opened her door only to stop short. Stunned she stuttered. " Heero? "   
  
He straightened up from where he had been leaning against the wall. "I'm your new guard." Relena looked around the office. "Where is Mrs. Carnes?"   
  
He looked indifferently at the secretary's desk and shrugged. "I told her she could leave since you were ready to go."   
  
"You Heero she shook her head you're the guard Milliardo arranged?" Heero smirked leaving her to draw her own conclusions. "I see," she sighed.  
  
Relena drew a steadying and smiled ironically he could come to her freely when she was endangered but not when all was well. As hurt and as angry, yes angry as that thought made her feel her love far outweighed her weak will. The gut reaction that screamed yes I'll take him anyway I can get him. It was so tempting it really was because she loved him so dearly and she wanted him with her but people around her were getting hurt. Then there was the knowledge that once the danger was past he would drift from her life yet again and she wasn't sure she could keep surviving these separations.   
  
She closed her eyes wearily she so longed for some indication she was more to Heero than a symbol. She opened her eyes watching him studying her. His eyebrow lifted questioningly at her odd reaction. She met his gaze looking for some semblance of what he felt and found only his unrelenting commitment staring back at her. It was as if the night of the ball never happened swallowing past the lump in her throat she bit the inside of her jaw focusing on the tangible pain. Relena smiled sadly another piece of her heart died she was at the point now where she was would welcome the state of nothingness that would occur when she no longer felt anything at all. "Then I guess we should go I don't want to keep you any longer than I must." She stepped past him opening the door and without looking back she slowly made her way down the hall.   



	5. Default Chapter Title

Darkness Without the Light  
By: Amber  
  
  
Relena rose up enough to add more hot water watching the bubbles rise she tried to figure out just when it was she lost control of the conversation with her brother. She sipped her wine replaying her attempts to have Heero sent away. But Milliardo was adamant and not for the first time was Relena reminded of just how intractable the men in her life were once they settled on a course of action. Leaving her between the rock and the landslide she might have stood a chance with Milliardo alone but with Heero as well not in this century.   
  
She sighed finishing her wine she sat it down as she leaned forward to let the stopper out. Standing she dried off before wrapping the towel around her to move in front of the mirror. She studied the image of the woman trying to see the resolution and commitment needed to see this through what she saw was exhaustion. Pulling the towel off her hair she watched it fall past her waist picking up her brush she started running it through her hair not much change on the outside but on the inside on the inside she was slowly withering away.   
  
Suddenly weary she pushed away from the mirror padding into her bedroom she dropped the towel and walked to her vanity sitting she took her moisturizer and started her nightly ritual. Relena stood walking to her closet she pulled on a football jersey Duo had given her to sleep in one weekend while she was visiting She had liked it so much it was so comfortable like a warm blanket on a winters day so he told her she could keep it. Sighing she sunk deeper in to the covers of the bed seeking to escape if only for a little while everyone intent on taking even more pieces of her soul.  
  
  
* * * *  
  
  
The last few weeks had been uneventful while on L2 her life revolved around meetings. Through it all her delight and torment was her silent shadow Relena didn't know what was worse having him out there and not knowing or with her and eternally distant it reminded her of the love story about the Sun and the Moon.   
  
She had talked to Quatre several times he had recovered from the attempt on his life and was settling back into his routine. But he missed Trowa one good thing seem to have come from the incident he and Trowa were talking about making changes as well they were tired of only having moments together. Something she could all to easily relate to she was pleased for them. She also learned from Quatre about Duo's accident he assumed she knew so she didn't tell him any different.   
  
But it angered her that they hadn't let her know. Her friend had almost been run down and they kept that knowledge from her. This had to end things couldn't continue on like this these were her friends suffering for her... No she had come to consider them family and one thing this situation had emphasized was it was time to make those changes she had been considering.   
  
Heero wanted no part of her it was time to end this dance they had with one another time to free him of his obligation. Milliardo needed to see the girl turned woman, and the world well the world needed to realize there is no one person to save them. Nor should there be it has to be everyone or it is a failure and in part this failure was her fault. The world didn't need her as much as she had needed them it became her family, her child, her lover and she had allowed their dependence on her. She had needed something to fill the hole in her life when Heero walked away. She stared at her reflection in the shuttle window and found she didn't like what she saw.  
  
"Minister? Mam?" Relena shook off her thoughts and smiled politely. "Yes?"  
  
"We'll be landing shortly so I've been instructed to tell you a car will be waiting for your convenience."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
The shuttle taxied to a stop and Relena stood gathering her things slowly making her way out and down the ramp. A hand grabbed her and pulled her close. "What are you doing?" Relena sighed looking up into fierce blue eyes she wished not for the first time things could be different. "I'm heading to the car Heero."   
  
He frowned, "not without me checking it out first your not." He strode ahead his eyes taking in everything and Relena followed behind at a slower pace. He spoke to the driver and was circling the car when there was a pop and a fireball surged from the car sending flames and debris skyward. Relena was thrown backwards as the heat from the blast hit her like a wave. Pushing herself up her eyes searched frantically. "Heero!!"   
  
Turning she screamed at the bystanders to call an ambulance to get help. The guards ran forward pulling her back when she turned and shoved them off staggering forward she circled around the patches of flame, until she found the driver's body still burning under a door she couldn't help him now. She closed her eyes and moved on until she saw him lying underneath what looked like the bumper. Relena knelt trying to lift it off him but the weight and the heat of the metal caused her to drop it. Silently apologizing to him she braced herself to endure the burning metal and pushed it off him. Lightly going over his hair her hands coasted down his body trying to see if anything was broken but gave up when the burns on her hands kept her from telling.  
  
Leaning over him she heard the sirens getting closer lightly she searched for the pulse in his neck and sighed when she found it. Resting her head on his back she murmured. "I'm so sorry Heero, so sorry this is what I was afraid of..." She heard there voices as if coming from far away detachedly she realized she was in shock indifferently she felt hands lift her up and watched as EMT's started working on Heero. Once he was loaded she allowed the guards to take her as well and from the deepest recesses of her mind a new Relena rose up like a phoenix from the ashes and started making her plans.  
  
Milliardo and Lucrezia met her at the hospital, after her hands were treated she went to see Heero. It seemed other than some burns, cuts and abrasions and the head trauma he would be alright with the proper rest and care. Relena had smiled then, the doctor had looked at her oddly but then the doctor didn't know Heero Yuy either. She pushed the door open and paused she felt an eerie sense of déjà vu to many of those she cared about were ending up in the hospital lately.   
  
The room was dimly lit and she turned her head at the gently shushing sound the door made as it closed. She stepped up to the bed her eyes drifted down him mentally taking notes before her fingers lifted to brush his bangs back. She had no doubt the moment he came to he would be right back where he had been the last few weeks guarding her from harm. Bending down she brushed her lips across his then forced herself to walk away.She had opened the door when she heard him call.  
  
"Relena?" Relena glanced back the light from the hallway casting his bed in the spotlight his eyes hazy from the medication and concussion she knew he wouldn't remember this tomorrow. "Shsssh it's only a dream Heero... only a dream."  
  
  
* * * *  
  
  
Relena stood up as the secretary announced her sister in law. Lucrezia walked in and smiled. "You left early this morning couldn't sleep? How are your hands?" She smiled wryly and quipped. "They hurt only when I laugh." Lucrezia smiled appreciatively and took a seat. She waited for whatever prompted Relena to go through channels instead of talking to her at the house. Relena smiled gratefully and sat down studying her thoughtfully. Lucrezia stopped smiling when she saw Relena's face take on a solemn appearance.   
  
"We've been through allot together haven't we Lucrezia good times and bad and through it all you still have the strongest and most unwavering sense of integrity I've known. I'm counting on both. I have by passed Milliardo and went straight to you because I think you will see the benefits of my plan more objectively than he would." Noin cleared her throat huskily. "Thank you. I have a great deal of respect for you as well but I must be frank with you Relena I won't help you needlessly endanger yourself."  
  
Relena shook her head. "It's nothing but the truth Lucrezia and I thank you for the opportunity of an objective opinion." Lucrezia nodded. "Fair enough then go on." Relena leaned forward and slid a folder across the desk. "These were special delivered to me an hour ago." Noin studied her a moment questions bubbling in her eyes before taking the folder. After a few moments of silence she looked up.  
  
"Relena I take it Milliardo knows nothing about these either?" She shook her head and stood moving to the window she looked out. "Relena what is going on? You've been too quiet since yesterday is it Heero?" Relena turned and sat back down she nodded.   
  
"In part. I'm going to be making a few changes Lucrezia and I want your help to do it. It's obvious that the current approach to find this individual isn't working and so far all the casualties are on our side." Lucrezia nodded warily. "Go on but just don't ask me to keep this from your brother I can't do that."   
  
She nodded. "Of course and I don't expect you to. I plan on discussing things with him myself. But first I wanted to start the ball rolling I haven't much time Heero has left the hospital and if he runs true to form he'll be outside my door in about an hour." Noin blinked in confusion.   
  
Relena smiled sympathetically. "Effective now Heero Yuy will return to other duties that no longer involve me I no longer require his services. If I have to become a prima-donna to get my way she shrugged fine I will the bottom line in this is all I care about."  
  
"Relena I don't..." Her expression hardened.   
  
"This isn't open for negotiation. Should he make an appearance here he will be refused admittance. If I have to I will have him incarcerated to enforce the bed rest I'm sure he was ordered to get. I've requested new guards they should be here shortly and should there be any doubt they answer to me and me only. You see Lucrezia I've my own sources and I called in a few favors. I've decided I don't like being left out of the loop even if it is for my own good that's for me to decide. Except for the six months after Mariemaya Heero has worked literally right here under my nose. Whose idea was it to keep that confidential?"   
  
Lucrezia studied her compassionately. "His he felt you are too reckless where he is concerned and it was the condition for him staying so Milliardo acceded to his request."  
She winced then smoothed her expression out to one of casual interest. "Thank you for the truth. Heero won't have any concerns about that any longer but that's for another time."  
  
"Relena what is..." She shook her head and resumed talking about the stalker. "The first note I got that I made myself sick over our own light fingered Shinigami lifted off me at the Solstice ball." Relena laughed. Noin noticed it sounded forced and despairing god how could we have missed the depth of her unhappiness how could she have hid this kind of sadness for so long and that well?   
  
"I'm guessing his light fingered-ness was for our perfect soldier I mean unless someone is threatening to blow my brains all over parliament I usually am not gifted with such august attention. Then there is the slight matter of Duo's near accident coupled with good ole Orville's tragedy."   
  
"Relena he fell from his horse your just speculating now." Relena's eyebrow quirked skeptically. "Speculation? The man was a bore but he was an accomplished horseman and according to my findings." Relena pulled the file forward and found the line she wanted. "He was on a horse they let his nieces and nephews ride." She looked at Lucrezia piercingly. "Hell of a coincidence wouldn't you say?"   
  
"Relena... She gasped." Relena glanced at her watch. "I don't have any more time right now I'm meeting Milliardo in five minutes. I'd like a party in two days time where you and Milliardo will convincingly find some emergency to leave and for all appearances I will be alone with the minimum guards."   
  
"Relena she eyed her knowingly it won't work it's to obvious."  
  
"It will work just for that reason. Look at those pictures." She shoved the folder back at Noin spilling across her desk. There were pictures of Relena at work, home going to and from, in her room and last but not least in various stages of nudity. "That's why he went after Heero he's getting impatient and more brazen. Perhaps my trip being unexpectedly extended added to the situation I don't know. What I do know is this no more deaths no more questionable accidents."  
  
"Relena there is no way Milliardo will go for this she shook her head amazed." Relena stood. "He will or I will do it without him its quite simple Commander Peacecraft is a representative of this government I am a government official he will assist me or I will find someone who will."   
  
"Relena she whispered don't do this.." Her expression softened a moment. "I have to Lu who will he go after next? Milliardo? You? I can't loose any more people I love I can't." Relena's expression firmed becoming resolute. "Please help me get this person. Milliardo can't see through the guilt about his past he wants to make up for it and subconsciously to do that I stay a child in his eyes. Heero can't see the woman for the symbol and I find as much as I love them I can no longer live within their expectations of who and what I am. I love them but I'm setting them free from their obligations."  
  
"I don't think their going to see it that way Relena." She smiled sadly. "No probably not but maybe you can help them accept the way it has to be by telling them it's the last request *that* Relena will ask of them."  
  
  
  



	6. Default Chapter Title

Darkness Without the Light  
By: Amber  
  
  
  
I Feel I must place a warning on this one ahead is language and sexual acts. While I have tried to not be gratuitous it is obvious what the character is doing. So if for any reason male masturbation disturbs you please don't go any further.   
  
  
  
  
  
Relena sighed rubbing her temple the pounding hadn't abated since she left Milliardo needless to say it was going to be an uphill battle all the way and she still had Heero to go. She glanced at her watch and winced she still needed to connect with her assistant to make sure Lucrezia got the guest list. Relena pushed herself up and grabbed the list wincing slightly as sensitive skin pulled taut in her hands. The door opened and in walked for once the last person she wanted to see closely followed by her harried looking secretary.   
  
"I'm so sorry Ms. Peacecraft he just brushed by me." Relena held her gaze nodding to her secretary. "Its all right Mrs. Carnes, Colonel Yuy won't be here very long." Relena turned back to her desk tossing the papers down she sat in her chair. "Heero please don't frighten my secretary she was just following my instructions."   
  
"Yes I know I just left Zechs it's not going to be that easy Relena."  
  
"No Heero she corrected gently it is going to be just that simple. Your presence is no longer an option and I suspect your doctor told you to rest anyway with your injuries."  
  
" I'm fine." Relena shook her head. "Of course what was I thinking? Well Heero she smiled politely if you want to kill yourself your going to have to do it on an assignment that doesn't involve me." Relena almost smiled at his reaction to anyone else they would swear there was none but she had made a study of Heero's face she actually managed to surprise him. "What Heero did you really think I wouldn't find out?"   
  
Heero shrugged, "it was never an issue." Relena winced. "No not to you but to someone who cares about you the not knowing is a death all on its own."  
  
"What happened to your hands?" For a moment she was thrown at the change of topic then she shrugged. "They were burnt its not serious."   
  
He frowned, "that's why you need protection your too reckless I've seen the guards personal surveillance links you should have left me." She stared at him impassively. "That wasn't an option Colonel Yuy then again I've never hidden how I feel about you have I? But I digress fortunately these annoying details wont be of concern anymore." She glanced down at her watch. "As of an hour ago you are officially on medical leave."   
  
Heero frowned, "what are you up to Relena?" She stood silently signaling the end of the discussion. She wouldn't lie to him she never had and she wasn't going to start now but she wasn't going to invite his closer scrutiny either. "I was on my way to discuss something of importance with my assistant when you came barging in."   
  
"Don't be evasive." Anger flared up and spilled over before she could stop it. "You mean like you and Milliardo." He stared at her silently. "If I'm on leave then what I do with my own time is no ones concern." Her eyes narrowed then grew sad. "I knew you would say that see Heero I can predict what you will do as well."  
  
Relena pushed a button on her desk and several guards entered the room. "Colonel Yuy is leaving now he's been assigned medical leave so he is not to be admitted to the grounds, the building, or this office until his leave is finished." She kept her eyes on focused on Heero's angry gaze. "Is that understood gentlemen?"  
  
"Yes Ms. Peacecraft understood."   
  
"This isn't over Relena I'll see you at your party." Relena frowned. "Milliardo again I suppose but it doesn't matter it wont be possible Heero you weren't invited." He shrugged, "we'll see apparently your brother thought differently." Relena sighed closing her eyes she looked at the guards and nodded. Heero's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "I'm sorry Heero."  
  
He glanced at the guards they had drawn guns but before he could act the shot came from the other direction. Looking down he pulled out the dart looking at Relena with something akin to shock he started forward only to get another one from the guard. He stood there weaving trying to focus as he watched Relena draw closer through what looked like a tunnel. Loosing the battle he slid to the floor only to have his fall broken by Relena. He struggled to stay focused. "Why, he rasped weakly?" She smiled regretfully through her tears. "Because this time that's the way it has to be."  
  
She looked over at the guards. "Take him gently Dr. Rhien is waiting for him. Make sure she understands I need her to keep him sedated until after the party. Do not gentlemen under estimate him he is Heero Yuy if you do it will be a lesson you wont forget for a very long time I guarantee you. You know my instructions after the party you may leave make sure he has supplies. Then in a week you will be contacted on how Colonel Yuy will return to HQ." They nodded loading him onto the stretcher she watched them take him away. Relena looked down at the gun in her hand and placed it inside her desk on top of the photos and locked it. It felt like she betrayed him she never wanted to see the photos or the gun again still he would be safely out of harms way perhaps her conscience would eventually stop flaying her over what she had done.   
  
  
* * * *  
  
  
  
She walked from the bathroom toweling her hair dry when the vidphone buzzed walking over to her desk she checked the identity before disabling the privacy option. "Relena tell me what I'm hearing isn't true. She smiled wryly. "Hello to you to..It isn't true." Duo chuckled. "I knew it there is no way you would have Heero forcibly removed from your office."  
  
Duo swirled in the chair laughing until he caught a look at her face then he slowly stopped. "No! No way, tell me you didn't."  
  
"I didn't have Heero forcibly removed."  
  
"O god Princess what were you thinking." She sat down at her desk and pushed her hair back sighing she tried to gather her thoughts and give Duo enough of an explanation to sooth his concerns.  
  
"Duo he was already wounded once because of me and what about your near miss I just wanted to insure he got rest before resuming his duties and he wasn't listening to reason." Duo stared at her searchingly. "Relena is that the real reason?" She smiled ruefully, "it's an important one."   
  
"God don't try anything reckless with this crazy if something happened to you Heero would go nuts."   
  
"Ahh Duo I don't know about that one thing I've learned about Heero he would survive no matter what."  
  
"Damn you are planning something."   
  
Relena laughed. "Gotcha." Duo glared, "not funny ojousan."  
  
"O I don't know there for a moment the look on your face was priceless."  
  
"Where is Heero anyway he's not the type to do the convalescence thing." She smiled enigmatically. "He is this time don't worry he'll be back I'll even let you go get him if you want." Duo snorted, "Oi won't that be a treat." She laughed  
  
"I heard we don't have to attend the rubber suit function bless you." Relena nodded. "You heard right and it's my pleasure. But you know you love the way Hilde drools over you in your dress uniform." Duo preened, "you have a point there."  
  
Relena's smile died slowly and she turned serious. " Duo I love you guys Thanks for being good friends." Smiling sheepishly he leaned back. "Aahh flattery will get you everywhere." She laughed, "alright you charmer go give Hilde a kiss from us and let me go to sleep."   
  
"Alright alright I know when I'm not wanted." Relena laughed as she disconnected. She turned slowly taking in her room once a haven but no longer even here someone had penetrated it was time to take back her life. She made herself go out onto the balcony leaning forward along the wall she looked up into the stars and hoped someone out there was watching over her while she tried to stop this once and for all.   
  
* * * *  
  
  
He pushed back the sheers and lifted the binoculars blocking out the moans and thrashing behind him he gazed across the garden at her window willing her to come out. His sweet, sweet, little Princess. He had seen her briefly on the news after setting off the bomb and noticed she had been hurt in the blast. He pounded his fist against his thigh the pain was a distant experience penance was required he must atone for his miscalculation. He jerked from his musing when her doors opened and she stepped into the night. His breathing accelerated as it became harsh and loud in the room his arousal pressed uncomfortably against his pants. He giggled long after she went in and the lights died murmuring softly to himself he unzipped his pants and proceeded to give himself release as he had so many times before with her name on his lips his passion erupted all over the sheers and his hand.   
  
He had loved her ever since he had first saw her in his mind he would have had her by now if it wasn't for Heero Yuy once he came she never knew he was alive. In saner moments part of him realized she never knew he was alive before Heero even came to their academy. Relena was always a solitary girl inspite of those hanging around her. But those more rational moments were becoming fewer and farther apart. He turned licking his hand he smiled at the gardener. "You love your wife don't you?"   
  
Bound and gagged the man could only nod frantically then you will continue to go to work as if nothing is wrong. He walked over crouching in front of the woman and let his knife trail down her throat and cleavage before looking at the man once more. "And if you betray me she will be dead before they reach her I promise you that." Tears silently trickled down the man's face he was betraying his Princess and more than probably consigning her life to the hands of a mad man. He stood moving over to her spouse crouching down again he grinned maniacally. "Now now theres no need for tears I'll take good care of my little dove."  
  
  
  



	7. Default Chapter Title

Darkness Without the Light  
By: Amber  
  
  
Relena sighed staring at her reflection no one would guess the calm composed face hid so many turbulent emotions swirling and colliding with one another all at once. She mentally reviewed her plan for tonight the evening was to appear business as usual.   
  
Wufei and Sally would be in attendance because with their jobs for them not to be there might seem suspicious. Milliardo and Lucrezia would be there as well, until the so-called assailant breaks into the party. In shooting Lucrezia it would legitimately excuse  
Milliardo's absence. This in effect making her seem more vulnerable left with only a minimum of protectors it was hoped this would lure the person responsible for all this into making an appearance.   
  
Her gaze absently took in her image not her usual attire her hair for once was swept up with a few strands loosely curled around her face. Her gown was a black confection allot more daring than was normal for her it hugged her figure tightly a thigh high slit providing a tantalizing glimpse of skin meant to tease and tempt one closer to make a more thorough inspection. Relena looked up at the sound of the door opening, watching Milliardo enter her room their gazes locked silently within polished surface.   
  
"Is there anything I can say that will change your mind about this scheme?" Relena smiled regretfully. He shook his head, "I didn't think so. I can't believe Heero's not here to talk you out of this madness." She smiled wryly. "It would be difficult for Heero to stop much of anything right now he's currently under a doctors care and heavily sedated."   
  
Milliardo's eyes widened then narrowed suspiciously. "You didn't."  
  
"Why does everyone always say that to me when they find out she murmured humorously?"   
  
"Relena for god sakes why?" Relena pushed herself up and closed the gap between them,  
even wearing heels she had to look up into his eyes. "You were wrong to keep things from me. I know I'm not a warrior but I can fight in my own way if I know what I'm up against."   
  
Milliardo opened his mouth but she gently laid her finger against it before he could reply. "I love you that wont change no matter what but you can't protect me from life." She moved closer stroking his hair fondly before laying her forehead against his chest. "Nor is there anything that will make Heero see me as a woman rather than a duty. I have to accept that just as you have to accept you can't always make everything better for me." Relena lifted her head their eyes locked and held as she strived to ease his worry.  
  
"When this is all over you should take Lucrezia on a honeymoon and relax. Relena well lets just say its time she learns who she is and what she wants from her life." Relena's smile wobbled but remained as she turned to get her evening gloves. Pulling them on she returned and held out her hand. "Don't forget Lightening Count no heroics stick to the plan because I couldn't bare to loose you either." He sighed taking her hand turning it over he stroked the uneven ridges of the bandages now hidden then met her eyes with determination.  
  
"I can't and won't stand back and let something happen to you not while I have breath in my body to stop it." Linking his fingers with hers. "You're wearing your tracker?" She smiled, "yes I'm wearing the tracker I have no desire to get up close personal with someone this disturbed."  
  
Milliardo pulled her into a hug almost as if he couldn't help himself holding tightly to his baby sister one last time before forcing himself to let her go to prove to her he considered her his equal. Tucking her arm into his he smiled wryly. "Come on let's go get rid of this loony toon."   
  
Relena laughed a genuine full body laugh something he hadn't heard in awhile he didn't realize how much he missed it. "I think Duo is rubbing off on you she teased." Milliardo rolled his eyes. "If you're around Maxwell enough your forced to adapt or kill him his lips twitched."  
  
* * * *  
Relena stood to the side slowly nursing the champagne she got after Lucrezia's "shooting" and had been nursing it ever since. She couldn't see any faces that screamed psycho at her but then if she had perhaps she would have spotted him months ago. Once more she moved through the crowd soothing the anxious clucking of those upset by her near brush with death working the magic that so many attributed to her successful reign in government.  
  
She looked so lovely tonight fitting the station of queen of the world only her own modesty prevented her from taking her rightful place it was disgusting the way she had to mingle among these swine but he would change all that once she was his all these filthy peons would be a thing of the past.  
  
* * * *  
Relena bid Pagan good night and wearily climbed the stairs so far the night was a bust she had been counting so much on this evening panning out so this would be over once and for all. May be just maybe inspite of her carefully laid plans it had still seemed too contrived she should have listened to Lucrezia from now on she would leave the spy shenanigans to those better suited. But she had been so sure. Relena nodded at the guard as she passed entering her room. She walked tiredly to her vanity by passing the lights and collapsed onto the stool. Staring blankly at her shadowed reflection she pulled off her gloves and began taking down her hair.   
  
"That's so much better I always loved your hair loose." Relena froze the hair on the back of her neck crawled and a chill prickled across her skin despite the warmth of the room. Schooling her expression to one of mild interest her eyes scanned the room within the mirror's surface.  
  
"My mysterious admirer I presume?" There was a silence from the room as if he was surprised at her lack of reaction. "Am I allowed to see just who has been so attentive all these months or am I to go on conversing with a shadow?"   
  
He laughed delightedly. "Ah but Relena shadows are just as important as the light, the dark cannot exist without the light anymore than I can exist without you he sing songed." Her eyebrow quirked quizzically and she absurdly thought about what his reaction would be if she started giggling.  
  
She sighed and it sounded ridiculously loud within the silence that had settled over the room. "That's very romantic I'm sure but I make it a policy to know up front whom I'm dealing with especially in light of some of my friends and acquaintances meeting with fatal and near fatal accidents." She swung around on the stool, "it's you isn't it causing these incidents?"   
  
"Of course," came his sardonic reply. Her eyes narrowed as she peered into the darkened corner from where his voice came. "If your feelings are so sincere then please at least have the guts to show me who has done these things for my supposed benefit."  
  
The silence stretched on uncomfortably while Relena held her breath fearing she had pushed to hard after all this person was crazy had to be the accidents coupled with the death of the Duke.Well she thought triumphantly he wouldn't get his hands on Heero or Milliardo she had seen to that if someone had to get hurt from this insanity she would rather it was her. Those two had suffered enough for her she was damned if she would knowingly allow more.   
  
She blinked returning to the present as a shuffling signaled his movements and gradually his figure appeared. The light from the partially drawn drapes highlighted his features enough that his image was burned into her memory. Relena had been betting that it was someone she knew or had come in contact with at least sporadically but looking at this nondescript man she didn't have a clue who he was and if she was honest didn't want to know who he was she just wanted him locked up.  
  
* * * *  
Lucrezia leaned her elbow on his shoulder and smiled. "You always take me to the nicest places." He laughed softly lifting her hand he gently kissed her knuckles before they both turned back to the screen. Lucrezia frowned, "Milliardo she pointed to the blimp there's an extra heat signature." He scrolled through the listing of those left in the mansion and their locations.  
  
He smiled ferally, "we got him I have to admit I had doubts about Relena's plan but it looks like she knew what she was talking about." She frowned thoughtfully, "how do you know its not Heero despite orders to the contrary?" He smiled ruefully. "I have it on the best of authority he's receiving a doctors care whether he feels he needs it or not."  
  
" What??" Milliardo smiled, "later I promise." Leaning forward he initiated a secure communications link. "I want you to move in contain the individual with my sister but   
await my orders before firing I'm on my way." He stood and headed for the door.   
"Wait where do you think your going?" He didn't answer just stared back determined in the face of her silent accusation. "You promised her she gently chided."   
  
He shrugged, "I lied. I gave her a hint at the beginning of the evening she shouldn't be surprised I will always do everything in my power to protect those I love." Lucrezia sighed shaking her head she pulled her weapon and checked the ammunition. "Come on then lets go." He shook his head. "Yes! Lucrezia said firmly. Together from now on remember?" He looked heavenward in resignation. "How do I ever win with you two?" She frowned reprovingly, "by lying."   



	8. Default Chapter Title

Darkness Without the Light  
By: Amber  
  
  
Relena studied him intensely probing for a weakness. "You know, you wont get away with this all I have to do is call out and alert my brother and you will be stopped."   
  
"Relena he scolded, you know as well as I do he's at the hospital with his wife. I know I checked you really didn't think I would leave anything to chance did you?"   
  
"Why are you doing this, she asked genuinely perplexed?" He sneered dragging her to the doors of the balcony; he shoved the doors open jerking her into the moon's silvery brightness. "You don't know who I am do you? It's me." He flung her arm away and thumped his fist into his chest."   
  
At her confusion he screamed. "Its me," he started sobbing. Relena hesitantly lifted her hand, as if to comfort him but jerked back when he started giggling. "I've been here since the beginning, but you never saw me no not once he came."  
  
" I'm sorry." She shook her head faltering. "Think Princess, you left us the moment I told you I saw him left us all standing around looking at ourselves to run off and chase Yuy." He murmured nonsense as he continued stroking a knife she hadn't noticed up and down his cheek.   
  
He snapped his head up to look at her. "I loved you, worshiped you, and you betrayed me." He moved closer, lifting a strand of her hair he brought it to his nose and inhaled. All those feelings love, lust, tenderness, anger, crowding each other fighting for dominance he gritted his teeth against the ache. The endless unrelenting desire to possess  
her consumed him and he would possess her he had her now everything would be fine.   
  
Relena watched him warily, as his eyes slid closed. She worried her lip nervously, he really was sick but as much as her heart went out to him sympathy wouldn't keep her from stopping him he was a danger to himself and everyone around him. She wasn't going to let him go after anyone else she cared about. Her eyes welled with tears. "Yes, it's always been Heero since the moment I saw him. I'll always love Heero. I am sorry you were hurt though."   
  
"No! No, no, don't say that we're together now that's all that counts there is no one left to stop us." Grabbing his hair, his breathing was heavy and erratic as he struggled to regain control.   
  
She was watching him cautiously, when she saw the red dot crawl slowly up his body her eyes widened. Relena had hoped it wouldn't come to that there had been enough death already. She gasped, when suddenly he jerked her against him with his arm around her waist she realized the shooter had lost his shot. Relena felt him stiffen at the click of weapons targeting him from behind.   
  
"Let her go and you wont be harmed we'll get you into a facility that can help you." Relena flinched; as she recognized the voice of her brother damn him he promised. He swung her around giggling. "No can't do that how can a man live without his heart." Relena closed her eyes wincing; then she looked toward Milliardo their eyes met in silent communion the reproach in the midnight blue met the icy fury in his and she feared for them all. Someone was going to die this night.   
  
Some how he had replaced the knife with a gun and it rubbed caressingly up and down her throat. "Come out, come out, where ever you are he chanted." Through the billowing sheers, she watched Milliardo nod as Lucrezia stepped out beside him. "Aaah the efficient officer Noin you seem quite energetic for the victim of a shooting."   
  
"Actually its Peacecraft," Lucrezia said coolly.   
  
Relena tensed as she saw his hand tighten on the gun, imperceptibly she signaled no. He smiled. "Congratulations. I wish I could say you will be invited to ours but.." He giggled, "you won't be around long enough to see it. All this trouble to lure me out your to be congratulated I didn't think there was brain among you all to come up with a plan."   
  
"Look." Milliardo struggled to keep the anger from his voice. "No one wants to hurt you just drop the gun and step away from Relena."   
  
He tilted his head to the side. "No I have a better idea you'll just keep interfering where your not wanted I'll kill you and she will be all mine."   
  
"Or." Milliardo countered, "I could save myself trouble and kill you instead."   
  
He smiled pityingly. "You would never do anything that might hurt Relena and like it or not to get me you would have to shoot through her. You can't do that," he laughed. "That fool Yuy could, quite the little soldier boy I hear but even he couldn't out smart a bomb."  
  
Milliardo smile savagely. "You might kill me, but someone else will take my place Heero Yuy won't be injured forever."   
  
Relena moved instinctively in protest and his arm tightened painfully. "Shut up, shut up, he's dead I tell you dead. Dead. Dead." He suddenly started giggling. "Just like you." He no sooner said the words, than his hand was in motion pulling the gun away from Relena he aimed at Milliardo. Time seemed to slow to ridiculous proportions. Years later, when Relena would reflect back to this time she could swear she still heard his insane laughter in her nightmares as he aimed that gun as her brother.  
  
Relena sought her brother's eyes in apology, knocking the gun up as it fired she heard Lucrezia and her brother screaming; but all her attention was focused on dislodging the gun from his hand. As they wrestled for control, he ended up lifting the gun and her with it as she clung tenaciously to his hand. He was aiming it at Noin, when she realized they wouldn't dare to shoot him with her in the way. Sheer terror turned her blood to ice, her brother wouldn't survive loosing Lucrezia and with that thought in mind she threw all her weight back against him over balancing them both.   
  
As they toppled over the wall he tightened his hold on her waist. "Together, forever my Dove one way or another." She heard her brother's cry of denial in her ears as they both fell to the ground below.... And then the rest was silence.  
  
* * * *  
  
It hurt everywhere, she tried forcing her body to wake but the pain was relentless the harder she struggled the more her head and chest ached. That soothing voice, it was so familiar and so beloved how long had she waited to hear those feelings from him it seemed forever. She ached to reach that voice; she couldn't loose him now not when she finally knew he cared. Heero - Where???  
  
It was suddenly gone. No her mind screamed, but the ache pounded through her head so ferociously her mind stopped processing what her body couldn't deliver. Once more she sank back into the soothing embrace of dark nothingness.  
  
When she surfaced, she forced weighted lids up to a room silhouetted in afternoon shadows hazily her eyes went around the room and found her brother sleeping in a chair beside the bed. Vaguely she noticed he looked exhausted and she wondered how long she had been here before sleep claimed her again.   
  
Relena fought up through the layers of cotton covering her mind yet again it was happening more and more and for longer periods of time. Sometimes she remembered hearing the voice, other times it took her so long to make herself wake up that by the time she did the voice was gone. She had no way of knowing how long she had been here she just had the barest sense of time passing. When she finally woke, it was dark except for the small glow near her brother she concentrated on getting words past vocal cords rusty from silence.   
  
"Milliardo".. She fought to form words, make her mouth work, even a grunt to ease the lines around his eyes and mouth... "Mil," she whispered. Jerking upright, he leaned forward clasping her hand.   
  
"Damn you Relena! If you ever pull a stunt like that again I will murder you myself." She swallowed trying to moisten her painfully dry throat. He stood up and filled a glass of water sticking a straw in it he carefully lifted her enough to sip.  
  
"Lu?"  
  
"She's all right they wont let us in but one at a time and your room doesn't seem to lack volunteers."   
  
"Who?"  
  
"Your loony admirer?" She nodded slowly. "Reginald Phagan." At her blank looked he started filling in the gaps. "He was a classmate at your old school the one that was eventually destroyed by mobile suits. Heero recognized him, as a boy who he had once dueled with apparently he objected to Heero's attitude regarding you imagine that."  
  
" Is??"  
  
"He alive?" Milliardo shook his head. "He died on impact fortunately for you his body broke your fall. You broke your clavicle and your right leg, you cracked a couple of ribs and you have a concussion but with rest they say you'll heal nicely."   
  
"How long," she whispered hoarsely?   
  
"Three weeks." Her eyes slid closed until she felt him touch her hair. "Your not going to ask are you?" Her mouth curved slightly. "He arrived back the next day on his own. The doctor said she has never seen anything like it his body simply fought off the sedatives.   
  
Relena rolled her head back and forth in amusement. "I should have... asked Sal... warned them."  
  
"According to the doctor he gave your guards an attitude adjustment that she's now giving them treatment for. Then left on his own. He went straight back to work as far as we know by the time he arrived your accident was all over the newsvids. Maxwell said he came through the halls of HQ looking like a caged tiger; everyone regardless of rank was trying to avoid him. Lu did say she saw him and he glared at her guess he didn't think to highly of our security measures."  
  
He eyed her speculatively, "you knew deep down somehow what his reaction to what you did would be didn't you?" She nodded; moistening her lips he stood again offering her another sip of water.  
  
"He tolerated," she winced shifting her leg a bit me ...   
"long as didn't"... "hurt mission..."   
  
"Crossed tha line...knew the price would, she swallowed .. be high."  
  
He resumed stroking her hair. "Heero is an enigma, you do better than most understanding him don't give up now. Not if he truly makes you happy." Her eyelids drooped and she snapped them back open so she could get out what she really needed to know before she lost the battle with sleep. "Get me out."  
  
"Soon," he soothed. Blinking she surrendered the soothing rhythm and slept once more.  



	9. Default Chapter Title

Darkness Without the Light  
By: Amber  
  
  
Relena woke up panting as if she had run a marathon even now the dream was fading becoming difficult to remember but the feeling of terror lingered. Her strength was gradually returning and Milliardo had assured her that after conferring with Lady Anne there would be no problem with Relena taking convalescence leave. She in fact was eager to go she kept pressing for release but being put off. Yesterday a hospital appointed counselor had come in to talk to her about residual feelings of guilt and depression she might begin to feel. She had enough, she needed something she wasn't going to find here always being watched and poked and prodded on lord knows how people got any rest in a hospital.   
  
She pushed herself up and grabbed her crutches wincing at the still healing burns on her hands. Slowly hobbling to the closet, she leaned her head against the door as a feeling of light-headedness temporarily overwhelmed her. She drew in steadying breaths until her vision cleared. Relena just winced thinking about the next problem. Taking a couple of awkward steps to the door she looked both ways before jerking back almost unbalancing herself. There were guards at each end of the hallway. One was asleep and the other reading a magazine still as distracted as they were she wouldn't make it down the hall without them recognizing her.   
  
She knew her limits; there was no way she would make it not in the condition she was in. Catching the name across the way she smiled -- no this called for another approach. Relena opened the door. Looking both ways she hopped across to the other room. She let the door swing closed while she caught her breath. After it closed, she leaned against it listening closely for signs she was spotted. Absently she lifted her arm to dab at the perspiration beading her forehead. Perusing the room while her eyes adapted to the darkness she made out the closet on the right. Making her way to the closet she opened the door liberating Mr. Dennies of his suit. Fifteen minutes later, a man in a wheelchair left from the 6th floor recovery where he then caught a cab and disappeared.  
  
* * * *  
Relena had been at work for an hour when her brother came storming in. "Do you want to tell me what the hell is going on? You don't even need to be standing much less back at work. And what is this about a press conference? "  
  
Relena smiled faintly, "Your late I expected you at least 45 minutes ago." She leaned on the desk, and hopped around wincing a bit when she jarred her shoulder and ribs she kissed his cheek. He cupped her elbow, and guided her back to a chair.   
  
Leaning his forehead on hers he murmured. "Relena what the hell are you trying to prove?" She lifted her hand, trailing it down his hair. "Nothing I plan on taking time to rest but not before cleaning house. I just didn't want you to learn what I'm going to do from a news brief."  
  
"What are you going to do?"  
  
"I have four months left of this term after that I don't plan on running for another." Silence descended over the room, as she watched him turn over in his mind what she said.  
  
"Why?"   
  
She shook her head. "I've done my small part, for years now but I've needed the Alliance more than they have needed me. There comes a time when you ask yourself are you doing more harm than good?" He shook his head. "Milliardo you showed me yourself there can be no self appointed savior everyone has to want it or it wont work. I did what little I could to help hold it together but now it's grown beyond me and it's time for someone with better skills than I to take up the challenge." She smiled, "Milliardo I'm not quitting just changing directions. I thought I might teach what better way to spread pacifism than to get a child's mind when its open to all the possibilities."  
  
He took her hand and held it stroking his thumb up and down. "Sounds like you did quite a bit of thinking."   
  
She nodded. "Some. Hey she cupped his face, don't look so glum you're loosing a minister not your sister."  
  
"Ms. Peacecraft?" Relena leaned over and pushed the intercom. "Yes?"   
"They're starting to assemble."  
"Thank you." She looked at Milliardo. "You staying?"   
He shook his head. "No this is your moment you don't need me for this." He stood kissing her forehead. "Don't over do as you said I can loose a minister but not a sister. To make sure I'll have Sally come over and check you haven't done more damage with you crazy stunt."   
  
She grimaced, "OK, OK.." Relena leaned forward, "Send them in."  
  
* * * *  
"Hey Heero!"   
  
"Look, ojousan is on TV." The breakroom in Preventors HQ grew silent as Duo turned up the volume. "Should she be doing this she doesn't look too hot to me?"  
  
"Silence Maxwell, the woman knows what she's doing it is the rest of us that are attempting to discover what is happening. If you will just be silent." Wufei growled.   
  
"Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize for this unannounced broadcast. It's been quite a time for us we have struggled long and hard together to reach this point in our lives where peace is finally a reality. For years now I have tried in my small way.."  
  
They turned as the door opened and Zechs walked in. Crossing his arms he leaned against the wall beside Heero and glanced at him from the corner of his eye. "I suggest Yuy if you have anything important to tell Relena you do it soon."  
  
" Hn ?"  
  
"Which is why what I am about to tell you is so very difficult," Relena droned in the background.   
  
Heero snapped his head toward the TV as a sinking sensation in his stomach kicked in the same one that helped him survive the wars, the one that kept him alive during so many missions. That inexplicable sixth sense when disaster was about to strike.  
  
"In a few months, my term as you Minister will end at that time I will neither seek nor accept another term of office. There comes a time in each politicians life when they have to step back and ask themselves am I continuing to do my best for the people. And I would like to think I have done my best always. But our world is at a crossroads now where it can continue to coast along as things are or surpass themselves with someone that will do for them what is beyond me." Relena paused and took a sip of water before continuing.   
  
"O man, Duo muttered. I knew she shouldn't be doing this it looks like she's about to keel over any minute now."   
  
"I didn't seek any of this I fell into the task and then preceded to struggle endlessly to be worthy of your trust. The only thing I could think to do to help, during those trying times was promote and implement the hopes of my father; and the ideals that the Peacecrafts have lived by for generations. Hopefully insuring that way none of us would have to go through the nightmare of war again. Such a small thing, compared to the sacrifices of so many others I know. But I hope that I was able to make a difference for the better however small over the years. I thank you for your time. Your patience while I learned, and more importantly your continued support. Many times it truly was what kept me going. Again I thank you for your trust in me... "  
  
This has been an alive at 5 Newscast with Vice Foreign Minister Peacecraft a guaranteed  
shoo in for another term. Has announced today after her term is concluded she will no longer seek office.  
  
Silence settled over the office, as everyone looked at one another for answers before glancing warily back at Heero. He straightened up staring enigmatically at Milliardo before he slammed out the door. Duo whistled, "anyone else get the impression he was pissed?"   
  
Zechs smiled slightly. "I think Heero has just been handed the realization he doesn't know Relena quite as well as he thinks he does and I don't think he liked the surprise."  
  
  
"Colonel Yuy!! Please..." She came puffing into the room behind him. "I told you the Minister isn't here."   
  
Heero took in the room at a glance absently cataloging placement, position, seeking anything that would tell him what he needed to know. "Yes you did. Which security personnel did the Minister take with her?"  
  
" Why none," she stammered. Heero's expression became even more glacial. He glared at the woman whose only mistake was having the misfortune of being here while Relena was beyond his reach. "I offered to call for security the woman said in a placating manner but the gentleman she was with told her it wasn't necessary."   
  
Heero nodded stiffly, pinning her with his gaze. "Name," he demanded.  
  
"Wha he didn't give one," she stammered. "Are you in the habit of letting people in unannounced?"  
  
"No! No sir, she stuttered the Minister was expecting him." Heero's eyes narrowed. "What did this man look like?"  
  
She twisted her fingers nervously; "well he was tall, um brownish hair, with very green eyes. I mean everything is all right isn't it? Commander Peacecraft didn't seem concerned." Heero stiffened eyes burning cold fire nodding stiffly he brushed passed her to find the man that would give him answers.  
  
* * * *  
Zechs entered his office and immediately stiffened but continued on to his desk. He took his seat before his eyes unerringly locked onto to Heero's glaring at him from against the wall. They stared at each other silently, measuring probing for a clue into each other's thoughts. Zechs leaned back in his chair and steepled his fingers together taking in the young man's body language with some amusement. "Your angry? Why?"  
  
"Since when do we let the Vice Foreign Minister wander around without security?"  
  
"Ahh you missed her then she's as safe as she can be." He stared at Heero watching the frustration flicker across his face before resuming his usual mask. They stared at each other as the silence grew Zechs's mouth quirked at the corners. "Are you going to get to the point of this visit or am I to sit here playing guessing games with you?" When Heero continued to stare he shook his head. "Heero you are the most stubborn bastard I've ever met besides myself. If you want to know where she is ask."  
  
"What makes you think I don't already know?" Heero changed the subject suddenly. "Why is she out of the hospital? Her Doctor didn't discharge her I checked. You asked me to be her guard I can't do that when I don't know her itinerary or if she isn't even here."   
  
Zechs hand lifted to hide his smile. He countered, "you said you wanted to return to your regular duties after Phagan was dealt with he's been dealt with."   
  
"I would think the safety and well being of your sister would be of concern. What happens if she has complications from her injuries? How do we know one will be enough protection for her, factoring into the equation her reckless tendencies I would think one person unadvisable." Heero fired off his objections in rapid succession.  
  
He leaned back in his chair studying Heero. "I know probably as much as you do, but since your own life has been in his hands a time or two I don't imagine he'll let us down."   
  
" Hn?"  
  
"Ask Heero." Zechs leaned forward abruptly. "My god man you love her coming back here trailing around behind her always in the shadows of her life it was enough for awhile. You knew where she was, who she was with, could predict what she would do right down to the smallest detail. But now she's not willing to let us wrap her in wool anymore." He gazed at Heero speculatively, "your scared. Why?"   
  
Heero stared at him with shuttered eyes. "I would feel much more secure about her vacation plans if I knew there was a competent doctor accompanying her and had an opportunity to survey these security preparations myself he shrugged that's all."  
  
"Very well, Heero. She's in Arabia with Barton and Winner." Heero straightened abruptly and moved to the door. "Just one moment." He stopped but didn't turn.   
  
"I'm going to offer you some advice should you choose to listen it is your prerogative. Don't go out there unless you really know what you want from my sister. She's resigned herself to the idea you will never see her as anything but a complication in your life she's setting you free. If you have no intentions of changing that it would be kinder to leave her where she is. You and I are guilty of trying to make time stand still my friend." Heero turned slightly and Zechs could see by his profile he was listening in spite of himself.   
  
"I tried to make up for all the times I wasn't there.. You he paused choosing his words with care you chose to throw all your energy into protecting her because its easier to do than deal with how you *feel* about her."   
  
Heero turned his head staring at him his eyes dull with pain. "Nothing has changed, her being with me is dangerous."   
  
Zechs stared at him compassionately; "it depends on how you measure your time together. The butterfly's time is so short but for those moments it's with us we marvel at its beauty. We feel blessed in the confirmation that no matter how ugly the world can get there are still fragile things that continue to thrive in adversity."   
  
"chippoke chouchou," he murmured...  
  
Zechs nodded. "An apt description don't you think? She appears too fragile for words but survived the wars with idealism and optimism intact a child forced be a woman before her time. That in itself isn't so special hell we all were forced into adulthood before our times she's no different there than anyone else. It could have made her cynical, hard even it did us yet she thrived, gave us hope and carried the world along with her. Perhaps she was stronger than us all in the end."   
  
Heero stared at him intensely, before the corner of his mouth kicked up slightly. "She always was.."  
  
After Heero left Zechs swung around staring out the window. "Choose wisely Heero for both of your sakes please."  
  
* * * *  
  
"Master Quatre? You have a message on an encoded channel."   
  
"Thank you I'll take it." Quatre exchanged knowing looks with Trowa. "Well it didn't take him very long."   
  
Trowa lifted his brow. "I told you there isn't much about Relena that escapes his notice. It was just a matter of will he finally give in and admit his need for her."   
  
Quatre leaned back in his chair taking a sip of his tea quietly considering the problem. "The question is does Relena want us to even tell him? She seems to have reigned herself to the situation."  
  
Trowa came over and started gently massaging his shoulders. "You can't solve this for them it's something they have to work out themselves. And it's past time Heero did it."   
  
Quatre tilted his head laying his cheek on the top of Trowa's hand. "Your right we'll supply the place and time and let Allah take care of the rest."  
  
Quatre straightened and initiated the link. Heero's impassive face came into view. Heero nodded, "Quatre."  
  
"Hello, Heero what a nice surprise.." Heero's brow lifted skeptically.   
  
"Where is she Quatre?"   
  
Quatre blinked. "Who?" You mean Relena?" Heero stared at him silently waiting for him tell him what he already knew. Trowa leaned over Quatre's shoulder breaking the staring contest.   
  
"Heero," he acknowledged. "Relena's sleeping right now we had a doctor on board the transport just in case but she's fine considering the circumstances."  
  
"I want to confirm that for myself." Trowa nodded, "of course."   
  
Quatre smiled. "Yes, Heero you know your always welcome I'll send you the coordinates."   
  
Heero shook his head. " I already have them. Heero out."  
  
Quatre sighed as the screen went blank. "Of course he does. Well now all we have to do is tell her."   
  
Trowa shook his head. "she will find out soon enough."   
  
"Trowa," he said his tone unsure. Trowa caressed his cheek.   
  
"Let them settle it Heero won't thank you for interfering." Trowa took his hand pulling him from the chair. "Now isn't there something more interesting we could be doing instead of worrying about Heero's love life?"   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Author Note:  
chippoke chouchou (little butterfly) I'm afraid I know not a scrap of Japanese so I had to ask someone the words if by some fluke this is wrong forgive me send the correct translation and I will correct it.  



	10. Default Chapter Title

Darkness Without the Light  
By: Amber  
  
He crouched on the dune staring at the settlement below he frowned oddly hesitant to approach. He couldn't quite explain his reticence to face Relena again and the more he analyzed it the less the idea appealed. Exploring the reluctance further meant taking the block off things he would rather not go into not since he started down the path of death and destruction. Maybe Zechs was right maybe he should leave her alone. Heero eyes widened at the unexpected twinge that thought brought. He had tried staying away before it didn't work. Who was he kidding? Heero smirked, no one neither Relena nor himself were fooling anyone about their feelings for each other. At least Relena was the more honest of the two. In the face of such courage how could he do any less? Heero straightened to head below this would be his toughest mission his mouth lifted slightly in what might have been a smile. Whatever the outcome neither one of them would ever be the same after this.  
  
Relena leaned back the heat from the sun soaked deep warming her from within and out. She purposely made her mind blank refusing to think or allow for second-guessing. Drowsing she heard the silent pad of footsteps as they approached. Relena smiled ruefully before he could speak she did.   
  
" O Rashid, just a few more minutes please..."  
  
"Miss Relena.."  
  
"Please .."  
  
He sighed, "very well however its time for more of your medication."  
  
She scrunched her nose in distaste but gave in graciously. "Alright," holding out her hand she stared at them balefully before accepting the glass of juice. "Thank you, I know I'm a trial.."  
  
"Not at all Miss Relena, what you did was very brave and we will have you feeling better in no time at all."  
  
She grinned, "my brother said it was very stupid so I thank you."  
  
"Brothers sometimes have difficulty being objective when its one's sister he said humorously."  
  
"Mmm maybe your right," she murmured drowsily. Relena shifted a tad deeper into the recliner already drifting off. Rashid smiled briefly before moving off. He returned twenty minutes later and silently watched her sleep.   
  
" Miss Relena its time no more sun for today," he smiled wryly. It looked like once more Miss Relena would have to be taken up to bed. He bent to lift her when the skin across the back of his neck prickled, slowing he lifted his head and scanned the terrace. He saw no one but that in itself meant nothing he had lived to long and seen to much to ignore his instincts. Something was not right and the best place for Miss Relena was in her room protected. He bent once more.   
  
"I'll take her," came a voice from the right. Rashid turned slowly if they could come upon him without even him hearing them they were formidable indeed. He turned. Seeing Heero he relaxed before bowing.   
  
"We didn't expect you this soon." Heero moved forward, his hand lightly brushed wind teased strands of hair off her cheek before lifting her in his arms. Relena shifted restlessly. "Heero," she breathed..   
  
"Sshhh rest," he murmured. And once more she settled into sleep her face buried in the hollow of his neck. Heero's eyes met his and Rashid nodded.   
  
"Up the stairs Master Heero, to the right first hallway on he left the third door on the right." Heero nodded silently.   
  
  
He toed the door open to her room shifting her slightly so her leg wasn't jarred. Then carried her inside and gently laid her on the bed. He watched her frown, subconsciously seeking him even within the realm of sleep. He lifted his hand and gently rubbed his thumb across the frown smoothing it out as she once more settled into sleep. He stood there a moment silently considering the possible variables of how she could respond when learning of his presence. For a moment, a flicker of panic slid through his mind disrupting his thoughts. What if she didn't need him anymore? Heero swung away abruptly but not before he caught his reflection in the mirror and stopped. He moved forward struck by the expression in his eyes, it was fear.   
  
Then he smirked. Need? Couldn't he be honest with himself even in the confines of his mind? What he couldn't even address to himself was the thought that she might not love him.. Anymore. That he had perhaps ignored, and held her at a distance one time to many. His eyes drifted down his body a human weapon reflected back within the polished surface. He couldn't describe what was happening at first staring at himself within the mirror.. He felt things he thought he had long ago lost regret, anger, most importantly confusion on how to precede.  
  
He had no idea where to begin giving Relena the things they both hoped and wanted from one another. If the truth were told he couldn't fathom why she would want to be with him in the first place. Somehow the idea of her finally giving up on him once and for all was the one scenario in all this that he couldn't bare to face. Distantly he watched the splintering of the mirror as it lost the battle against his fist, crumbling pieces of glass shifted and slid to the floor. Distracted he stared blankly, at the blood trickling down his fist and arm pooling in a small spot on the floor.  
  
Heero merely blinked when he felt the smooth softness of Relena's hand cupping his then covering it with a hand towel. Heero stared down at her with a frown. " Relena, you should be getting some rest."  
  
" I'm fine." Relena stared up at him sleepily before lifting the towel to glance worriedly at his hand. "Heero what have you done to yourself?"  
  
She shook her head tugging on his arm. "Lets go get this cleaned up so it wont get infected."  
  
Heero shook his head impatiently, "I need to talk to you."  
  
She nodded at him humoring him;" of course." She attempted to guide him into the bathroom. "Relena .."  
  
"Heero," she looked up at him pleading.. He sighed impatiently. Relena started and Heero glared as a knock on the door interrupted their conversation.   
  
"Miss Relena.." The knocking grew more frantic as Heero pulled away and stalked to the door. Jerking it open he glared into the eyes of the servant. The man fell back eyes wide as he took in the towel now saturated with blood and fierce blue eyes glaring at him silently from above. The man hurriedly apologized.  
  
"I'm sorry to intrude we heard a crash and became concerned."  
  
"She's fine.."  
  
The man bowed, "perhaps I can bring you."  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
"But sir your."  
  
Heero slammed the door and stalked impatiently back to Relena. She was waiting for him right where he left her. Her stubborn courage more than a match for his ruthless dedication, he came close enough for her to reach out and touch him yet her hand hovered over his silently waiting for his permission. Heero stared at her impatient to get to the reason he had come all this way other things were secondary but he realized she wouldn't relent until he allowed her to take care of his hand nodding impatiently he allowed her to lead him into the bathroom. Relena turned on the water, taking a wash cloth she squeezed the water over the cuts and scratches gently removing the blood. He watched her curiously fascinated with the concentration she was giving to what he considered a few minor scratches.   
  
Slowly the tension left his body under her attention and he became fascinated with the play of light on her hair, closing his eyes he tried to gather his control. He inhaled and caught the slightest trace of something familiar hazily opening his eyes he leaned in closer to Relena's hair and inhaled the delicate floral scent so much a part of her.  
  
He took it for granted it soothed as well as stirred something.. something.. indefinable by his measure and he shifted restlessly. Relena looked up suddenly she bit her lip. "I'm sorry Heero. I'll try to be as careful as I can but I want to make sure there are no splinters left in these cuts."  
  
He shrugged indifferently, "their just scratches Relena they will be fine." He frowned at her silently and she returned her attention to his hand. "Why did you leave like that?"  
  
Relena stiffened stopping her ministration on his hand a moment before resuming. "It was time to move on to something that focused less on my private life and more on what I have to offer professionally."  
  
" That's not what I meant."  
  
She shrugged trying to effect indifference. "I didn't think you would notice I thought you would have returned to your other duties." He stared at her his eyes demanding nothing but the truth. Relena threw the washcloth in the sink and hobbled into the bedroom and headed for the balcony, pushing the doors open she looked out trying to absorb serenity of the view for her own. She heard a sound and glanced back Heero stopped in the doorway of the bathroom and leaned against the doorframe watching her.   
  
She lifted her shoulders awkwardly, "why are you here Heero?" He moved further in the room. "I need answers," he said cryptically.   
  
She smiled sadly, "you haven't needed anything from me before Heero why now?"  
  
He strode forward until he was looking down into her eyes they were filled with such sadness and longing but then was there ever a time when she had gazed at him any other way. "Why didn't... he fumbled awkwardly you believe in me?"  
  
Relena's eyes slid closed in remorse. "It was never about believing in you. There is no logic in this Heero if that's what you're trying to find. I wanted those I love safe, she whispered almost inaudibly. " So I did whatever it took you of all people should understand that philosophy."  
  
Heero lifted her chin with his knuckle staring intently in her eyes. " I don't know anything but missions and death. When you came along .. he sighed going silent several seconds before continuing. I started gradually changing it was so subtle it became a part of me before I knew it or could analyze it."  
  
His knuckle moved and straightened absently he slid his finger up and down the slender column of her neck. Lost in his memories, in confusion and so many conflicting emotions lost in the sensation of Relena's proximity all assaulting his resolutions. All those logical reasons that seemed necessary before suddenly became harder to remember. "I didn't understand, and I still don't so I tried to show you how I felt by keeping you safe."  
  
His hand turned and splayed cupping her throat caressingly. "When I woke up.. his eyes narrowed burning into hers, not knowing where I was, where you were and whether you were all right or not .. your lucky all I did was beat them within an inch of their life."  
  
His hand tightened slightly on her throat before relaxing enough to slide up to cup her jaw his thumb lightly stroking her cheek. "Don't ever do that again. It took me days to get back and when I did I heard what you did. I stood over you night after night waiting for you to wake he murmured distantly so I could kill you myself."  
  
Relena winced she knew that deep inside hadn't she known the price for betraying him that way. He stilled waiting for her to look at him, gathering her courage she raised her eyes to his waiting for the next words that would finally condemn her in his eyes. She didn't know if she was strong enough. Could she finally give him the closure he needed to sever all the ties that bound them together? She blinked trying to focus on what he was trying to tell her.   
  
"Don't ever do that again."  
  
Her mouth quirked at the corner, "then stay safe Heero and so will I."  
  
Heero absently sifted his hand in her hair then clenched his fist in her hair at her comment. "What is it you see in me, he shook his head?"  
  
Relena lifted a trembling hand and touched his face lovingly. "My world. But don't worry Heero I know the moment I blink you'll be gone again."  
  
Heero's head dropped and stared at the floor. "I don't know how to be what you want."  
  
She smiled ruefully, "how do you know what I want Heero? I just want you it's all I've ever wanted."  
  
He pulled her forward sighing he rested his forehead on hers. "I want to he whispered I can't run from you anymore it doesn't work you wind up in my thoughts all the time anyway."  
  
Tears silently slid down her cheeks, "then decide if you can stay." He opened his mouth and she quickly lifted her fingers brushing his mouth "No. Think about this and then if you feel this is right for you come back to me. Because if we start this I will give you everything that I am but I expect everything in return."  
  
She turned her back staring in the distance, "you see I love you Heero the girlish crush grew into love long ago but I wont respect myself if we keep playing this game where you disappear and reappear at will. And eventually you would loose respect for me as well. Everything else we can discover together, but I need the knowledge we'll see this through to the end. Whatever the end.."  
  
She kept her back turned until she head the door that's it he's gone she slumped   
dejectedly she probably killed any chance to be with him with her demands but she couldn't take the uncertainty anymore. So lost in her thoughts she jumped when she heard the click of the door locking, turning as quick as she could with her leg she gasped.   
  
Heero came striding back. "But Heero...." His mouth quirked at the corner, "You finished?"  
  
Relena blinked stunned as she watched him pull his shirt off and toss it into a chair before coming to her and lifting her up in his arms. Startled she grabbed for his shoulders and clung to him. "Wha??"  
  
His gaze drifted over her softly before meeting her confused ones. He placed her gently on the bed before getting in beside her. Turning on his side, he leaned his head against his fist and watched her a moment before his lips quirked humorously. "Sleep."  
  
" O." Relena sighed disappointed. He lifted a hand and brushed her bangs back. "We have time."  
  
She shifted closer to his lean length relaxing completely for the first time in months.  
"Promise," she murmured..   
  
Heero's expression softened watching her fight to stay awake. "I'll watch over you while you sleep I'm not going anywhere."   
  
Relena yawned and shifted closer against him. "I love you Heero," she whispered drowsily into his chest. He stared at a moment before softly running his fingers through her hair. "I'm counting on that I just hope you can continue to believe in me while I find my way."  
  
  
Finis.... For Now  
  
  
  
Author note:  
  
I know some of you want to murder me right now because of the ending. But I felt this ending stayed truer to how I see Heero acting even after allowing himself to be with Relena I still see it as a work in progress but now there is Hope.. As always I hope there was something in this you enjoyed.  



End file.
